Too-Real Tweets About Being In Your 30s
“Dirty 30.” “Thirty, flirty and thriving.” There are many quippy ways to describe this significant decade.
But perhaps the best descriptions of this stage of life come from the funny and relentlessly honest folks on Twitter. Whether you’re getting stoked about home decor or feeling the pain of hangovers more than ever before, this time is all about new experiences.
Below, we’ve rounded up 30 tweets about being in your 30s.
Nobody warns you how excited you’ll be about orthopedic pillows in your 30s
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) April 3, 2021
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.
Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.
Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 17, 2020
Welcome to your 30s. You’re continually stunned to find that 1998 was not 10 years ago.
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) December 6, 2017
Getting lit in my 30s is eating a slice a pizza without taking Lactaid first.
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) February 25, 2019
by your thirties you should have a pasta shape you vehemently despise for no particular reason. mine’s rotini.
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 25, 2020
Nobody talks about Jesus’ miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
— LEGO Joseph Smith ☔️ (@Mormonger) March 18, 2018
I can’t believe how many foods are betraying me in my thirties. After everything we’ve been through together. There is no such thing as loyalty.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) March 8, 2020
You: “I’m only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me.”
Sports Broadcaster: “Here comes the oldest player in the league. He’s 32. A miracle.”
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) December 6, 2016
Welcome to your 30s you genuinely say things like “ wow, I love your backsplash “
— Heather #BLM (@dishs_up) October 5, 2018
A bar whose whole gimmick is not playing loud music so people can hear each other and it’s called Your 30s so they can say “welcome to Your 30s”
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 1, 2018
General pain in my 20s: “Hmmm this is annoying.”
General pain in my 30s: “So, I guess this is how it all ends. I’ve had a good run.”
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 20, 2018
Avoid hangovers in your thirties by drinking 16 gallons of water for every glass of wine.
— Gennefer Gross IS VACCINATED!!! (@Gennefer) August 19, 2013
as you approach your 30s it’s very very important that you acquire a “boring” interest that will develop into an obsession as you age. local water policy, shipping containers, composting, amateur geology, metal detectors, collecting old coins
— carl (@NightlifeMingus) January 10, 2021
Me, age 20: I think I’ll do a tour of Europe for the summer when I’m in my 30s
Me, age 37: I splurged on the nice shower cap
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) August 8, 2019
one thing they don’t tell you enough about being in your thirties is that you can simply throw out your neck at any time and all it takes is looking one way too fast
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) February 15, 2021
Welcome to your 30s, getting used to a new remote is now weirdly upsetting.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) July 17, 2018
Me:*Gets pulled up on stage at a concert in my thirties*
Lead Singer: Are you ready to rock?
Me: Ok, so that was right in my ear.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 24, 2020
Being in your 30s is weird because you wake up and out of nowhere you have a stiff neck and very strong opinions about architecture.
— Ben Landau-Taylor (@benlandautaylor) March 1, 2021
Your 30s is when you go to remove the dark shadowy makeup around your eyes and then remember you’re not wearing any.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 15, 2019
Being in your thirties doesn’t mean you give up on having goals. It just means that most of them are probably going to involve laundry now.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 15, 2017
10s – has dreams
20s – has sex
30s – has a formidable collection of vegetable soup recipes
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) February 1, 2017
Welcome to your 30s. TUMS now serve as after-dinner mints.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) January 26, 2021
Sorry I’m so exhausted I recently made a new friend in my 30s.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) December 17, 2018
I guess being in my thirties means pausing the Hall and Oates song playing in my earbuds to listen to the Hall and Oates song playing over the grocery store speaker
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 28, 2018
reached down to pull out a loose hair from my shirt and instead found a 3 inch hair growing out of my boob; surprises in your thirties are overrated
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 25, 2020
As a kid: *climbs a tree*
As a teen: *dyes hair*
In my 20s: *backpacks thru Europe*
In my 30s: *tries a new TV show*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 2, 2019
It’s crazy being in your mid-30s and having friends who are neurologists, award-winning writers, and CEOs and being like, “Wow, I remember when that person was so drunk that we got kicked out of the Olive Garden in Times Square.”
— Khalid El Khatib (@kmelkhat) March 2, 2019
My 20s: *drinks all the drinks, does all the drugs, has all the sex.
My 30s: *sits on the couch until it’s no longer too early to go to bed
— Spanky McDutcherson 🔸 (@thatdutchperson) November 14, 2015
Welcome to your 30s. You now have Home Advil and Purse Advil.
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) September 7, 2017